Lullaby for a Prince
by Soren O'Connor
Summary: In times of darkness, Shaun ran to the one person he knew could give him comfort (Set in 0310 after Ethan's death but instead Shaun ran to his brother's grave)


Shaun ran as fast as he could. He didn't look back, didn't dare look back, all he knew was that there were voices calling out for him

"SHAUN!"

"SHAUN!"

Lea's and Aaron's voices grew smaller and smaller as he increase the distance. This was his prime instinct, to run, to choose Flight over Fight, so he ran as fast as his legs could take him which, according to the slowly drowning voices, were pretty fast

"SHAUN PLEASE! STOP RUNNING!" He heard his mentor yell out for him but nothing could stop his brain from doing it on its own. He let himself go. The longer this chase lasted, the further the voices get, until Shaun could no longer hear anything but the silence

This is what he does isn't it? He runs. He's not the type to face something head on, he's the one to crouch and cower. He's Shaun Murphy. In terms of Fight or Flight, Shaun Murphy is Flight. He is Fear. He is Terror. And when he's faced with such, his first instinct was to seek solace, seek salvation, seek protection and peace from the one person he knew would provide him such

Subconciously, his legs took him way towards his dead little brother's grave. It was raining, but he couldn't care less. He needed the peace, he needed the protection, a few drops of water from the sky won't stop him

Shaun sat down beside his grave, trying so hard to calm himself down. Everything was blurry, everything was hurting. His breath was fast, too fast, he couldn't control it. He needed to calm down. Calm down. Calm down-

He became hyperaware of everything; the sound of rain falling on grass and stone was loud, the water drenching him in cold, Casper's own cold did nothing to help his circumstances, everything was shaking, everything was so wrong and so out of place, there were mud covering his clothes, it felt uncomfortable, it felt weird, he wanted to go home-

NO! No! Not home! Home is not good! No!

But he's just so tired

"Hey" Shaun flinched at the all too familiar voice. It made his stomach sick and his eyes wet with tears hearing the voice again. His breathing quickened once again. He's not real

"You're dead" Steve's expression changed to that of concern as he sat down on the wet muddy grass infront of his older brother

"Yeah, I am. But that won't stop me from looking after you" Shaun forced himself to look at what could be a creation of his mind in front of him; His little brother was there, drenched in rain and wearing the black suit that they had put on him during the funeral, his form stayed the same from when he died except there's no scar on sight

No no no! He's not real! Steve is dead!

The thought crushed him, yet Steve remained in front of him, and he looked so real

"You're not supposed to be here" Shaun observed the change in his brother's expression, the concern was alot more noticeable this time

"I know. And you're also not supposed to be here but here we are" Shaun didn't know whether that was a joke or a serious statement. He gave up trying to convince himself that the once dead person in front of him wasn't real, he's too tired to keep going. Steve noticed the tiredness of his older brother, his eyes were baggy and red from tears

"Shaun, I want you to tell me what's wrong" Steve knew how to communicate with Shaun, he knew not to use questions as much. Shaun's breathing eventually evened out and he slumped his tense shoulders and let himsemf relax. The rain was slowly becoming quiet and the cold didn't bother him too much anymore

"Dad just died, he said some bad things to me" Shaun answered a minute after steadying himself. Steve nodded

"Yeah I noticed, but I know it's not just that, Shaun" Shaun tensed once again. No, that was not just it, that didn't even cover half of it

"No, that's all" He tried to hide, putting on his most innocent tone. But Steve noticed, he always did

"Shaun" One simple call with concern covering it made Shaun crack. Tears were freely falling out of his eyes, mixing with the rain water

"I'm tired. I don't want to go home. I'm tired" Steve's eyes softened as he moved closer to his brother to ruffle his hair. Shaun immediately responded with his back relaxing once again

"I know, Shaun, I know. I just want to know why" Shaun worked up the courage to finally open his mouth and spoke

"Dr. Glassman is acting strange and demanding, everyone keeps telling me I do things wrong, I don't know how to do it right! I DON'T KNOW!" His voice grew by the second, filled with frustration he kept buried for years after Steve's death

"Shaun I-" Steve inched closer once again to ruffle his hair but was stopped by Shaun continuing

"I keep messing things up! I keep ruining things! Everyone is going to leave me! Dad died, mom chose him over me, you died!" Steve stopped in his tracks and said nothing, signaling Shaun to continue

"Dr. Glassman will eventually get tired of me and leave me! Lea will also get tired and so will Carly! Because I keep on messing things up! I can't do anything right! I'm tired! I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME!" His breathing was shaky again

"Shaun..."

"I messed up from the beginning. I couldn't save you. You weren't supposed to die. I save other people but I couldn't save you" Sadness laced around his words as sobs fill his vocal chords

"It wasn't your fault, you know. It was an accident"

"No. It is. If it weren't for me, you sacrificed your happiness just to take care of me and then you died. I couldn't save you" Steve then moved slowly and let his arms circle around Shaun's neck in a hug. Shaun was shocked by this sudden gesture, he hated hugs, but this was different. This was Steve. He moved to return the gesture and breathed in the familiar scent of his brother, of rain water and pine trees. It comforted him

"Shaun, don't ever say that. I didn't sacrifice anything. You're my brother and I love you, I did it because I wanted to, because I cared about you and I still do"

"In a traditional sense, I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you since I'm your older brother and I should've been able to protect you" Shaun buried his face deeper in Steve's suit, taking in so much of the familiar scent as if he's going to disappear in any second

"Oh none of that, Shaun. You might be my older brother, but we take care of each other, so there's that"

"But-"

"No Shaun. No. Don't say that again" He broke the embrace with Shaun and pulled away. The older brother sniffled a bit

"It wasn't supposed to be you" Steve sighed as his expression fell

"It was an accident, Shaun. No one could've predicted it" Shaun nodded, not wanting to press any further. A few minutes of silence, Shaun was afraid the illusion of Steve had left him once again as he frantically looked around only to see his little brother leaning against his gravestone. Seeing him was comforting, as if he was back in control of his rein. The rain didn't matter anymore

"Shaun" He called again and Shaun immediately perked up

"Hmm"

"I'm proud of you" It was unexpected and it struck Shaun hard and heavy. More tears threatened to roll out

"Thank you" Steve smiled softly

"Look at you now, Dr. Shaun Murphy? Fancy, has a nice ring to it too. You've probably, like, saved alot of people by now. Heck, I wouldn't mind getting a brain tumor or something cause my big brother is an awesome doctor!" There was something in his tone that's comforting and made Shaun's heart flutter

"If you have brain tumor, I wouldn't be able to be appointed as your surgeon because you are already dead and because surgeons can't operate on family members" Steve's mouth made an 'O' shape as he nodded

"Well, that's kind of unfair. I mean, why waste time and money when you have a brother who is an awesome surgeon" Steve huffed dramatically

"Operating on family members would interfere with the procedure because the familial connection will strain the professional boundaries we have to keep with patients in order to give them the best care we could"

"Okay that sounds fair" And Steve kept going on and on about how awesome him becoming a surgeon was

"Bro, you did it! You're a surgeon-"

"Surgical resident" he corrected

"Right, surgical resident. And you did it on your own! I'm so proud of you, Shaun!" Shaun smiled widely at the sudden pride building up in his chest. It warmed his figure in ways he couldn't describe. The two fell into silence and Shaun could feel the temporary warmth leaving him to nothing but the cold that had been crawling all over his form. Steve sensed the distress in his brother's sudden tense expression

"There's something in your mind" He stated the obvious fact. Shaun could only hum before responding

"I'm tired" Ah. Steve had always suspected it. Shaun had been through so much, too much even, and without him by his side everything just turned for the worse. Shaun prevailed however, which was good, but the sweat and the strain were relentless anf sore. He was tired, tired of having to prove, tired of trying to go through life on his own without someone to fall back on. Steve had tried to be there for him, watching his brother stumble and fall and cry while not being able to do anything. Steve hated that, hated seeing his brother in such a place, he wished he could've done more, but a deal was a deal

"I know" It was all he could respond with. Shaun hummed again

"I miss you" He continued. Steve sighed

"I know"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" The request was simple and even Steve couldn't deny it. Screw the natural order, his brother needed him and he needed his brother

"Sure" Both brothers settled down on the muddy grass of the grave right next to each other. The rain had long died and all that was left was the remaining tiny drops. Steve scooted closer to Shaun and ruffled his hair before settling his head on his older brother's shoulder blade

"I'm always by your side, Shaun. You know that" Shaun responded with a low hum

"I know" And with that settled, both boys fell asleep in each other's embrace

* * *

By the time both Glassman and Lea found him, he was asleep, drenched in rain water, snuggling on the patches of muddy grass on his little brother's grave

Glassman couldn't help but feel his eyes became wet. The years he had spent taking care of this man before him, once a scared little boy then a fantastic surgeon... But the root of it all, Shaun had always been a scared little boy. Aaron felt a wave of guilt hitting him and he could feel Lea fidgeting beside him, really tempted to move and embrace Shaun in his sleep while apologizing profusely. Aaron didn't move and didn't let Lea move. The woman turned to him to ask why

"He needs this" His answer was simple and Lea understood immediately. Perhaps he had treated her too badly. The two of them could only stare at Shaun's sleeping form, never had they seen the calm in his expression

It took a whole hour for Shaun to finally crack his eyes open and the first word that came out of his mouth pained both Lea and Aaron

"Steve?" He looked around for his brother, and when there were no signs of him, he decided to focus on the two people in front of him

"Shaun? How are you feeling?" Aaron asked oh so quietly and softly, afraid it might trigger Shaun once again. The younger man responded slowly

"Tired. Very tired" Shaun finally sat up, his clothes visibly stained with mud. Some might say he had just slept in the most uncomfortable position known to mankind, but Shaun had never felt so well rested in years

"Was he here?" Lea suddenly asked. At first, Shaun didn't understand what she had meant but then it clicked

"Yes he was. He helped me through it and told me how proud he is. I'm glad he's proud" Lea smiled softly

"Well who wouldn't be proud of having an older brother who's also an awesome surgeon?" Shaun immediately perked up

"That's exactly what he said!" Lea could only giggle. Aaron was happy seeing the two happy and finally decided

"Lets go home" Shaun stopped and looked back to see Steve behind a tree, giving him a thumbs up

I'll be there with you

Shaun turned back and stood up

"Okay" And off he went, marched right back home with his little brother watching over him, as always


End file.
